


you'll find redemption when all this is through

by j_gabrielle



Category: Black Panther (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, College, Fluff, Hurt!Erik, M/M, Reincarnation, This AU really got out of hand okay?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-29 19:02:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13933311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_gabrielle/pseuds/j_gabrielle
Summary: "My Apollo" He says. "My Icarus." His companion smiles.





	you'll find redemption when all this is through

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if this fandom has a Reincarnation!AU. Here. Have a Reincarnation!AU.
> 
> (also, mild MIT!AU because nobu is bae & I swear the real thing will be coming soon enough)

_Laughter carries around them, two boys sitting on the edge of the cliff. The blue Aegean sea glitters under the sky. One reaches over to the other, leaning in to press their lips together. The wind picks up around them. "My Apollo" He says. "My Icarus." His companion smiles and the sun shines blindingly bright in their eyes._

* * *

Erik is prepared to die.

Right here in the middle of the library surrounded by towers of books. The librarian shakes her head when he catches her eye. Erik scowls.

It's study week. The entire populace of the University seems to be living out the library. Erik is trying to cram as much of the last semester into his head as possible before the first paper. Looking down on his notes, all he sees is a blur of scribbles in the vague shape of alphabets. He can't remember the last time he ate something other than a power bar.

He's been awake for the past 26 hours. Sighing, he starts to pack in his bag when one of his pens drops off the table and rolls away.

"Here." 

"Tha-" Erik moves to take it back, only to have his breath caught in his chest. "Thanks."

The man in front of him smiles easily, eyes crinkling. "You're welcome." He says. And everything fades away. All Erik can see is him. The way the weak light from the windows crown him. How everything about him just seems to pull him in like a siren call. Something else catches in his thought and he thinks that he is the most beautiful man he has ever seen.

Almost familiar.

"T'Challa, here."

The man turns around to acknowledge his friend. "Well, bye." He says, nodding.

Erik nods, eyes unable to look away even when the stranger lets go of his hand. "Bye." He breathes, watching him walk towards the stacks.

He probably stands there for too long, hand clenching around his pen like a fool. Erik shakes his head, quickly grabbing the rest of his things before booking it to the doors.

* * *

_They're married in this one._

_Joy and music follows them to their marital bed. "My love," He says, running his hands through her hair. "I've found you."_

_She smiles. "My sun, I knew you would."_

* * *

"You're staring again."

"Hm? Oh." Erik shakes his head, "Sorry."

T'Challa laughs, eyes crinkling. Nudging him over on the bench, he takes the space next to him. "It's fine." He slings an arm over his shoulders, leaning in to plant a sweaty kiss on Erik's cheek. "I like it when your eyes are watching me."

"Ew." Erik tries to shake him off but lets himself be folded into T'Challa's arms with little resistance. "You need a shower." He says. T'Challa tilts his face to him, sliding their lips together.

"Only if you take it with me." T'Challa chuckles when Erik responds eagerly to him.

"Oi! T'Challa, can you stop trying to sex your boyfriend up in public for two seconds and finish this game?" W'Kabi calls out from the court, dribbling the ball as their friends all whoop and cheer.

"Let me go whoop his ass for a moment." T'Challa flips him off, only encouraging their friends to jeer louder.

Erik hums, arching in for another kiss before he pushes him back to his feet. "Go get 'em tiger." He says. T'Challa smiles and the sun shines so bright.

* * *

 

_She's mad at him for forgetting the milk, and honestly, yeah, it's his fault. They've been arguing too much lately and he was tired. She had quit her job after the baby was born. Said it was better that way, that they couldn't afford the day care anyways. He hadn't agreed, but when her mind was made up, there was no budging on that._

_So here he was. In his car just aimlessly driving around town for a couple of hours until she cools down and goes to bed. He knows he shouldn't let her go to bed angry, but he's tired. Tired of being so far away from their families, tired of his job and the lie of opportunities, tired of this new town that has not felt like home even after the whole year and a half they've been here._

_He gets to the intersection. Right or left?_

_Left was a road that led to the cliffs overlooking the beach, right is essentially just a circle back to town. A tugging feeling draws his hand to turn the wheel._

_Left._

_He drives and drives. The sounds of the surf grow louder and louder, the streetlamps grow further and fewer in between until all that lights his way is his headlights. His heart thuds in his chest, doubt beginning to creep in when he spots the man._

_He's dress in cool linens that catch in the wind, standing on the edge of a cliff, arms spread like he is about to take flight. Heart hammering now, he stops the car and climbs out, shouting, "Don't do it!"_

_The man visibly stiffens, turning around to face him, and it is the most beautiful man he has ever seen._

_His heart slows when the man walks towards him. "I wasn't going to jump." He says when he is close enough. "Really, I wasn't."_

_He nods dumbly, quite unable to formulate an answer. The man steps closer still, another step and he has him crowded against his car. "I really wasn't." Their eyes meet and it's like looking into the sun. He has to turn his face away._

_"Can I give you a lift somewhere?"_

_The man, sensing his discomfort, steps back. "I live just up ahead."_

_He watches the man climb into his car. "Okay."_

_"Okay." The man replies with an easy smile._

_"Have we met before? You look familiar." He says, pulling back onto the asphalt. He can sense the man staring over at him, and when he turns to look his way, the man's eyes are impossibly fond and heartbreakingly sad._

_The man's lips part to speak just as the sudden headlights of an oncoming car floods the interior, and he has just enough time to gasp before he hears the sickening slam and crunch of metal on metal. As he lays dying in the smoke and the blood, he thinks he feels the press of lips to his forehead and a whispered, "Maybe in the next life."_

* * *

 

"What's wrong?" 

T'Challa reaches for him but Erik pulls away. Fumbling for the table lamp, he grits his teeth through the pain as he rummages through his bedside drawer. The moment his hand finds the bottle of pills, he feels a wave of relief cutting through the agony. Uncapping it, he shakes out two and takes them dry.

"My love?"

"I'm fine. Go back to sleep."

Erik hears T'Challa uncurling from the blanket, sitting up. "No, you're not. Don't think I haven't noticed. The headaches? The way you've been spacing out lately?" He feels warm hands touching his shoulders and a kiss being pressed to the back of his neck.

Sighing, Erik leans back into the touch. "See? This is why I didn't want us to move in together."

"What? You don't want me worrying over you?" T'Challa wraps his strong arms around his waist, pulling him tightly against him. 

"I didn't want you fretting, you mother hen." Erik says, "Seems like it can't be helped."

"Do you want to talk about it?" 

Erik lets his head rest against T'Challa's shoulder. The lamp light illuminates the half unpacked state of their bedroom. Theirs. Their home. "It's just something from my childhood. I used to get these really bad headaches and bad dreams when I was a kid. My parents had me tested and they gave me some meds..." He waves his hand in the air, "Those kinds of things. It got better when I got older, but for some reason lately, it's back."

T'Challa is quiet for a moment. Tilting his head over, he kisses the side of Erik's head. "What sort of bad dreams?"

"Hm?"

"What sort of bad dreams? The kind you used to have as a kid?" T'Challa asks.

"Oh. Um. Like, I used to dream of the sun in my eyes and sitting so far off the edge on a cliff. And then there was one where I dreamt of dying in a car accident. There were others, but I remember those the most."

T'Challa stiffens against him, arms solid like rocks. "T'Challa?" Erik touches his wrist.

"Can you tell me more about them?" He requests softly in the hush of their room. Erik blinks, looking over. T'Challa's eyes are shadowed, but Erik is mesmerised. 

"Yeah, baby. Yeah I'll tell you about them."

* * *

 

_He runs and runs and runs and there is no outrunning the hunters._

_With one hand gripping the amulet, he scrambles to a halt and ducks into the hollowed space between the roots of the trees. Praying fervently now, he bites back the sobs lest they give him away. He can hear the baying of the hounds getting closer and closer-_

_"Come!" A hand is thrust into his field of vision. He gasps, eyes frantic when he meets the other's. "Come with me if you want to live!"_

_The other is panicked, checking their surroundings. He takes the other's hand with no second thought._

* * *

 

Erik's vomiting for the third time in an hour.

T'Challa's hovering at the door. "I'm fi-"

"If you're gonna tell me you're fine one more time, I swear to god I will knock you unconscious and drag you to the ER." He growls. "You're not fine."

Erik chuckles, spitting into the toilet bowl before he flushes. Rinsing out his mouth, he slaps some water on his face. "Mother hen."

"It's getting worse isn't it?"

Erik pushes past him without an answer. He goes to his bedside table, taking out his bottle of pills. T'Challa comes to his knees in front of him. "Don't take them. Please."

"They're the only thing that keeps me from passing out from the pain. And you want me to stop taking them?"

T'Challa cups his face between his hands. "Please." Pressing their foreheads together, he breathes, "Please, my love."

Erik exhales with a shudder. "For you." He says. Dropping the bottle back into the drawer.

* * *

 

They come in fits and starts, in shapes and feelings, in rushes of emotions that drown him. He wakes and sleeps. Time becomes fluid.

He sees T'Challa and then he doesn't. Sees him with a crown made of stars, sees him older with a life of laughter etched onto his skin, sees him bathed in sunlight so bright it makes his heartbeat stutter.

He sees himself. Dying, living, in love, laughing, crying over loss and life. He sees himself as a woman at the beginning of her marriage, sees himself in youth holding the hand of another watching the sea shift and change in everlasting blue. 

He remembers.

"T'Challa..." He croaks and he feels the press of a cup against his lips. Opening his eyes, he sees him shining so bright. The only focal point. "My Apollo." He says, reaching over to touch his cheek.

T'Challa sighs, mirroring him as he takes the cup away. "My Icarus. You remember?"

"Everything. All of it." Erik says, feeling overwhelmed by the love and adoration. 

He tastes relief and love and the sun when their lips meet in a gentle kiss. "Now, we have the rest of this life to live. Where shall we start?" T'Challa says happily.

Erik reaches for him. "Right here."

 

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER:- As a person living with a long term illness, I do not condone stopping your medication without seeking advice from a certified medical professional. Remember to take your meds as prescribed, okay? xxx
> 
>  
> 
> You can leave me some moodboard requests [Here](http://hardheartshere.tumblr.com/ask) or you can leave me some fic requests [Here](http://randomingoftherandomness.tumblr.com/ask)


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